Inner thoughts of a golden dragon
by neakingdom
Summary: Filia's thoughts on Xellos and her son Val... XelFi pairing?


**This story focuses on the thought of Filia Ul Copt and takes place a year and a half after the defeat of Darkstar. I'm not sure as to whether I should continue this story or leave it be... It is my first fanfiction and I would appreciate imput into what you readers think on whether I should continue it or not?**

**A/N: I don't own Slayers or the characters. ******

_Takes place in the mace/vase shop, the home of Filia Ul Copt and her adopted son Val... As the golden dragon lets her mind wander on the events of that day..._

_Tuesday 6.46pm_

I can't believe Miss Lina said what she said! Me and Xellos! HUH!!! The nerve! I don't care for that stupid nanogami!

It's stupid to imagine a dragon and a monster to co-exist in a romantic relationship! Imagine me and that nanogami! How stupid! How mismatched! He's so secretive and bossy and evil and misleading and handso- DAMMIT Filia! Keep your mind on track!!!! I can't believe I'm talking to myself like this! I've spent too long in that monsters presence! Too think that an honorable priestess of the Fire Dragon king would stoop to such a level... ARGH!!! Dammit Xellos! I never want to see him again!!!!

............don't I?

I think I don't.... But imagining never seeing his fake smile again....

I don't know what this feeling is but I don't like it.... I've really let myself go.... I've got to start thinking more of Val... Not Xellos!!!

Cute little Val! I can't believe how fast he is growing up. It seems like only yesterday he hatched... The memory of that night is so precious to me. But, I also can't forget all those times when we faced him as Val-Gaav... Learning my race wiped out his... It's only right that I was the only to take the place as his guardian. And Jillus and Gravos have been helping so much! But so help me! If Jillus knocks over one more of my vases for sale I'll hit him with mace-sama!!

But Val loves those two so much... It was such a surprise when he took a liking to Miss Lina and the others when they visited earlier today! He's only a year old and yet he seems so accepting around new people! ...maybe that's just what all babies are like... But the way he pulled on Miss Lina's hair was so funny! The day just went by so quickly. Then Miss Lina had to ruin it by bringing up Xellos!!

Like I"D know how that monster is going! Sure he pops in from time to time to see Val but all he does is annoy me!!! I bet he gets some sort of kick from making me angry! Evil monster!!

And for her to suggest that I like him and that we'd make a 'cute' couple!!!! I can't believe Miss Lina would suggest such a thing!!!!

All he does is make me angry! And it seems that all he can do is call me selfish!!! Sure! He can be nice to VAL!!!! ...which surprises me... Xellos acts almost like he never once had been fighting against Val-Gaav or had never offered him a place in the monster race... He acts... like he is also trying to make amends... like how I am for my race....

The way he sits there with Val.... the way they can just stare at each other for ages before they break out smiling... The way he treats Val the way I do... Special and important...

He never treats me that way so why should I care about him!!! ARGH!!! -is that Val crying? Oh dear....

_A week later...._

_Wednesday 12.10_

What a predicament... But it was funny to see Xellos' face like that! Haha! What a look of absolute shock! I probably had it on my face too, but it was hilarious on that nanogami's! To think the great Xellos could get so shocked by a simple word Val called him!!!

...but it was also so surreal to see the facade he had created over many a century fall to bits over one word... And he left after handing Val back to me straight afterwards too. Not that you can blame him, to be called "Dada" when you're an evil creature must be terrifying... It was frightening for me too....

It's hard to believe that Xellos and Val could've created so strong a bond without my knowing... Sure they spend time together... And Xellos is the only real male figure is Val's life. Not that you can call a beastman and an ogre real male figures... But for Val to reach out to Xellos like that with such pure intent as a child seeking a father... Oh crap-tears... What am i going to do? Will Xellos even come back to see Val... Or me?

I know I want to see him again...

Stupid! Stupid Filia! Get your mind straight! Do you love him or not!?

....

I honestly don't know anymore...

...

I doubt he cares for me... Sure there have been incidents where that has been questioned. Like when he saved me from getting crushed nearly 2 years ago. Even if he did try dropping me on Val-Gaav!!

And when he said "That's the dragon I love"... WHY DID HE HAVE TO SAY THAT?! He couldn't have just said "That's the dragon I know"?!

...But it felt so good to be held in his arms... He was surprisingly warm for a monster. And my heart wouldn't stop fluttering when he had said those words to me...

And just, all those little times together with me, him and Val over the last year and a half... Like the three of us were a family... It's been the best time of my life...

I need to find a man! A father for Val. I can't keep doing this to him! He needs a father! And I need to get over Xellos.... It's becoming too painful...

**Well... That was the 'first chapter' but I'd like to know if it would be worthwhile continuing this idea...**

**Please read and review as it would be most appreciated! :)**


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